published in 2014 on my tumblr
I am a firm believer that a relationship should be an enriching experience for all those involved. Any relationship. It doesn’t matter if it’s a romantic one or friendship or family ties. I do not believe in giving without receiving and taking without giving back. It might happen in the heat of the moment, it might last for a little while, but in the end it will crumble if it doesn’t do something for everybody. And that something is enrich their lives. Lend a hand, put a smile on their face, offer a shoulder to cry on, be a crutch when needed, hold up a mirror to their mind and soul, help them know themselves better, nurture and help them grow.
Maybe I am stretching it, stating it so broadly, but for me it holds true. If I do not get something out of a relationship, I will eventually let it die out. If I feel that it is demanding too much effort, time and energy and I have no reason to hang on, I will kill it.
I have cut people out of my life at various moments and for various reasons and sometimes no reason at all. They call it falling out or drifting apart. Maybe. The fact is, at some point I stopped receiving positive vibes, so I dropped it. Some other times, I felt absolutely sucked dry, like the other person had become some sort of affection leech. Those times were ugly and painful. It doesn’t matter if it was friends, lovers, family or mere acquaintances I had been on good terms with.
For some of the instances, I felt remorse. For a few, there might still be a hint of it. I remember them once in a while and feel a pang of guilt at maybe not having tried enough. At not having invested enough effort. At not going the extra distance. At not communicating clearly (I suck at that, sadly). Then I shrug and move on. Because the other person might’ve just as well done that and because I feel it is spilled milk anyway.
While I might tolerate people with zero emotional or intellectual gain around me, I will not subject myself to the company of those that make my balance strike the negative in those areas. It is simply not healthy for my mind or my heart. So I’ll take the pain in stride, if it occurs (sometimes I am strangely numb to it). For the greater good.
