It’s My Life – Page 3 – Sights, Sounds & Rants

guilt tripping

March 28, 2018 No Comments

published in 2014 on my tumblr Have you ever not done something that your entire being ached for, because you knew that it would break someone’s heart? Have you ever smiled like you meant it and soldiered on, because you’d (I’d) rather have your (my) soul wither than your (my) conscience crumble? And as longing after longing is burning away unfulfilled, you (I) shoulder layer upon layer of guilt for every thought you (I) harbor – of running away, of deserting, of saying the final fuck-it-all and closing the door behind you (me). You (I) know you (I) won’t do it, because […]

It's My Life

relationship grooming and pruning

March 24, 2018 No Comments

published in 2014 on my tumblr I am a firm believer that a relationship should be an enriching experience for all those involved. Any relationship. It doesn’t matter if it’s a romantic one or friendship or family ties. I do not believe in giving without receiving and taking without giving back. It might happen in the heat of the moment, it might last for a little while, but in the end it will crumble if it doesn’t do something for everybody. And that something is enrich their lives. Lend a hand, put a smile on their face, offer a shoulder […]

It's My Life, Ramblings

the prick of envy (and its side effects)

March 23, 2018 No Comments

published in 2014 on my tumblr I learned early on what the prick of envy feels like. It feels like a rose thorn. It was at the end of first grade, I was merely seven and driven by that insane need to perform and outperform and not disappoint, so I had come out top of the class. And during the year end ceremony, the teacher had me stand in the front row because of that, which promptly made the girl behind me prick me with the thorn of a rose in her bouquet. So another layer was added to my […]

It's My Life, Ramblings

the fucks i give

March 22, 2018 No Comments

published in 2014 on my tumblr Sadly, the above photo is just wishful thinking. Nope, I do not have any kinky fantasies involving nuns, not even hotter looking ones than the granny there. I do have a really hot fantasy of myself not giving a flying fuck though. Figuratively speaking, of course, for there are also some fantasies about giving a flying fuck, literally speaking. Major chapter in the Great Book of Obvious coming up: all the stupid mental torment that doesn’t let me sleep at night is pretty real, but also pretty made up – by me, my stupid […]

It's My Life, Ramblings

no pain like this body

March 21, 2018 No Comments

published in 2014 on my tumblr I know that virtually every human being that walked this earth since self-awareness is in trend has probably had some sort of issue with the shell they carry around. No one is ever fast, beautiful, tall, short, slim, strong enough, everyone has had the wrong type of hair or color of eyes at some point. What might have been an issue of survival or mating once, is now a major source of emotional distress and anxiety more than anything else. It seems that the more science and evolution free us from the constraints of environment, […]

It's My Life, Music

feels like home

June 8, 2017 No Comments

In February of 2013, me and a friend first came to Germany for four months – training for our new job. Maybe it would have been puzzling, if not for another friend who had already been in Stuttgart for almost a year and guided our first steps both through the city and our new department. The first adjustment was to the schedule of the stores, which are all closed on Sundays. This was a lesson learned during the first weekend. But you learn to plan ahead and around that. The second adjustment was the annoyingly slow internet. If I were […]

It's My Life, Ramblings

don’t bend; don’t break; baby, don’t back down

May 23, 2017 No Comments

If I were to improve just one thing about myself… That is one of those uncomfortable self-assessment questions that I hate. Because in order to truly answer it, you must look in a really unpleasant mirror. Most of the times, I single out my willpower for the “needs urgent improvement” award. But now that I think of it, it is not really that. I can get my act together, if I find sufficient reason to do so. My real issue is that it’s just a bright blaze that burns out quickly. I am not a long distance runner. I want […]

It's My Life

and if you listen very hard, the tune will come to you at last

May 6, 2017 No Comments

So many things changed. And so many things stayed exactly the same. New horizons that immediately felt like home. Some friends stayed, some friends came, some friends went, some friends died. New jobs that are actually old jobs. New scars – some inked and pretty, some sown and ugly. Old loves that never die. New worries and ancient anxieties. Feelings of never having grown out of my old skin and feelings of having shed multiple layers since. Sometimes I don’t remember how the day has gone by and have no time to ponder it, some other days I do nothing […]