Ramblings – Sights, Sounds & Rants

Books, It's My Life, Music, Ramblings, Travel

soul on my skin

August 21, 2020 No Comments

It’s been around five years since I plucked up the courage and got my first tattoo. I have a literal armful in the meantime and plans are in place and designs are decided for the other arm, because hey, I have two. I have had it relayed to me that someone (who apparently does not know me really well) was wondering what had gotten into me that I went and had those ink smudges done, and what is up with them anyway, as me and my tattoos don’t have anything in common. Which I find hilarious, as far as comments […]

It's My Life, Ramblings

interlude

August 2, 2020 No Comments

Interlude /ˈɪn.tə.luːd/ , noun: a short period when a situation or activity is different from what comes before and after it, according to the Cambridge Dictionary. The word popped up in my mind when I had but a vague feeling of what I wanted to say in this post. The feeling is still vague, so I expect it will be another stream of consciousness ramble with the sole merit of quieting my head for a bit, while I try to pour it all into pixels. The urge to write has been there, numerous times, but the act of firing up […]

Ramblings

who are you?

August 12, 2018 No Comments

I have played computer games for about twenty years now. I have slain countless monsters, armies, conquered empires, schemed and slaughtered the hell out of the pixels on my screen. In real life, I am glad my chicken comes pre-cut and pre-packaged in the supermarket, because I would be entirely incapable of murdering a chicken for food. My stomach kinda turns at the thought. Similarly, while plotting and conniving to overthrow a pixel empire is harmless, I am not capable of understanding how someone can do that in the real world – playing with the real lives of real people, […]

It's My Life, Ramblings

pride (in the name of love)

July 30, 2018 No Comments

I am still trying to gather my thoughts and organize and sort through them. Like always, I stumble when it comes to the eternal egocentristic question “what does this mean for me?”. For some reason, the Christopher Street Day (the German version of the Pride Parades) takes place here in July. I have a feeling that it is also a lot more political, though it is certainly not lacking in color. Two years ago was the first time I had the occasion to witness the exuberant joy and cheer from the sidelines. Last year I sadly missed it, as it […]

It's My Life, Ramblings

when i look in my father’s eyes

June 17, 2018 No Comments

I am absolutely terrified. A deep, primal terror that claws at my stomach at night, and puts a lump in my throat until I fall asleep on a pillow drenched in tears I cannot shed in daylight. I try to picture the moment when I find out you are gone (painfully aware that it might come before I get to see you again) and how it would feel to know that there will forever be a you shaped hole in my world and I cannot. I do not need your help or your advice anymore, I do not even need you […]

It's My Life, Music, Ramblings

just an earth-bound misfit, i

April 4, 2018 No Comments

published in 2015 on my tumblr I am not at all a religious person. I wouldn’t even call myself a spiritual one. But if I were to pick the most spiritual experiences I had, they revolve around two types of situations and one exception. The exception happened in Thailand, on the top of a hill overlooking a wonderful landscape, with temples projected against the horizon as the sun started creeping up. That was an amazing experience. One of the situations where it might easily happen – that’s what good concerts do to me. I have had a few where I […]

It's My Life, Ramblings

teenage mutant ninja turtles

March 29, 2018 No Comments

published in 2014 on my tumblr Useless online pop-culture quizzes are a fun thing to do when you find yourself in dire need of procrastinating at work. So when I’m pretty much tied to the office chair but mentally unable to process any more work-related information, I do those to pass the time and numb my brain. My most recent stint of this kind made me find out who I’d be as a Marvel villain or in the Star Trek universe. The interesting one though was the quiz regarding which Superhero team I should be joining. I am certainly glad […]

It's My Life, Ramblings

guilt tripping

March 28, 2018 No Comments

published in 2014 on my tumblr Have you ever not done something that your entire being ached for, because you knew that it would break someone’s heart? Have you ever smiled like you meant it and soldiered on, because you’d (I’d) rather have your (my) soul wither than your (my) conscience crumble? And as longing after longing is burning away unfulfilled, you (I) shoulder layer upon layer of guilt for every thought you (I) harbor – of running away, of deserting, of saying the final fuck-it-all and closing the door behind you (me). You (I) know you (I) won’t do it, because […]

Ramblings

i do it my way

March 27, 2018 No Comments

published in 2014 on my tumblr I have a rather scary inability to compromise. I have had relationships going to waste because I cannot accept some shades of grey. I have had unpleasant discussions at work because I can’t do half-arsed things for the sake of doing them. And most of the times, I find the complete scale of values of the world around me to be pretty fucked up. Because, like every self-righteous prick out there, I too uphold the things I consider right to be right in the absolute way. Not all of them, but there are enough […]

Ramblings

making things happen

March 26, 2018 No Comments

published in 2014 on my tumblr Any advice from any friend, any therapy from any psychologist, any motivational poster out there will dish out something along these lines – taking matters into your own hands and making things happen instead of just waiting, doubting, procrastinating, fearing the possibilities and ultimately choosing inaction. If there’s just one personality trait I would like to change about me, I’d like to re-write my coding to be more of a go-getter, with the built-in self-confidence it comes with. Go out, meet people, take action, look for and seize the opportunities, rather than just cower […]