imposter syndrome – Sights, Sounds & Rants

the prick of envy (and its side effects)

March 23, 2018 No Comments

published in 2014 on my tumblr I learned early on what the prick of envy feels like. It feels like a rose thorn. It was at the end of first grade, I was merely seven and driven by that insane need to perform and outperform and not disappoint, so I had come out top of the class. And during the year end ceremony, the teacher had me stand in the front row because of that, which promptly made the girl behind me prick me with the thorn of a rose in her bouquet. So another layer was added to my […]

It's My Life, Ramblings

the fucks i give

March 22, 2018 No Comments

published in 2014 on my tumblr Sadly, the above photo is just wishful thinking. Nope, I do not have any kinky fantasies involving nuns, not even hotter looking ones than the granny there. I do have a really hot fantasy of myself not giving a flying fuck though. Figuratively speaking, of course, for there are also some fantasies about giving a flying fuck, literally speaking. Major chapter in the Great Book of Obvious coming up: all the stupid mental torment that doesn’t let me sleep at night is pretty real, but also pretty made up – by me, my stupid […]

Ramblings

shadows of fear

March 17, 2018 No Comments

published in 2014 on my tumblr I have been living in the shadow of fear my entire life. It sounds like a truism and maybe it is. It also sounds a bit cliché and I suppose it is that, as well. I’ve had a good childhood and a good life. I still do. I have a loving family, I have great friends and a good job. I earn well, I get to travel and go to concerts and read good books and everything is swell. And still, the shadow looms. It creeps in at night and echoes my every thought. […]